Berkshire Counselling and Psychotherapy Services

Anger Management and Counselling in wokingham and Reading.

Stress Management and Counselling in wokingham and Reading.

When clients call for anger management they are usually talking about being unable to express anger as an emotion. They are expressing anger as a behaviour: eyes redblooded, tone nasty and words hurtful and demeaning, demeanour threatening and pushing the other person or child in a corner, chasing partner around even though their logic is saying leave the issue for now and in the worst case scenario the behaviour can become physical e.g. hitting partner, or doors, or crashing cupboard doors...

Anger is a normal emotion and a very healthy way to say that we are hurt or frustrated.It is the way it is experienced and expressed that makes it look and sound threatening to the surroundings and taken to the extreme , because of lack of control and ability to regulate, it can escalate into physical and mental violence. Anger in itself is felt when we feel brushed off, not listened to or made fun of etc...But anger becomes a major problem in the way it is expressed. As a Counsellor/Psychologist I work with anger issues, aggressive feelings in adolescents/children and anger problems in couples in daily practice but what people generally call anger is usually aggressive tendencies to shriek, smash things, hit the head against the wall and these behaviours are more common than we think and more often expressed by normal people who show these behaviours mostly in the safety of home life.

But often aggressive people are feeling as helpless and powerless as anxious people but whereas an anxious/panicked person will get the sympathy of the crowd via the symptoms expressed, the angry person is feeling the same emotions but he/she is choosing what is called the "fight" response out of the "flight or fight" response to over-activated state of perceived threat. The limbic system in our brain is wired to read our sensations as "safe" or "unsafe". In real unsafe situations like someone breaking into our house or attacking us on the road the limbic system will switch on and protect us. But in perceived danger the same limbic brain rushes in and cause trouble. With anger often the person is wanting to say he/she is unsafe, vulnerable, helpless, out of control but before uttering the words the limbic system has already hijacked the nervous systems, the muscles in the body and has triggered them into a panic state of alarm where the person can only respond with exagerated threat tone or behaviour.

Let me explain: the logic may be saying "my keys misplaced or my voice not being listened does not mean my wife is ignoring me; maybe she is busy or tired!" but the emotional/right brain also called sometimes the amygdala is going into a state of tension every second maybe because of deep rooted fears from early years of being cornered, being made powerless. after a while that part of the brain has convinced the body that there is reason to be so tensed and it will trigger the "flight or fight" which simply means that the brain will send the message to the body to get ready to run for its life. the heartbeats will go up, the sweating will grow, the muscles will tense up and the blood pressure will go up...until the person releases the tension via angry explosion which will then calm the body and send the message again to the brain that the danger is over.

As a Solution Focused Counsellor in Reading and Wokingham, Amreeta has been working with anger issues causing troubles in children at school, causing trouble in couple's relationships as well as individuals finding their work suffering because of their anger issues. Often clients are not fighting the other person but they are aware of their own internal rage and how it is disturbing them in terms of stonewalling others, answering in irritable and disrespectful ways etc...Amreeta, your counsellor in Reading, Wokingham and Woodley,can help with anger that is becoming disruptive in terms of relationship, marriage bliss, work environment and that is being expressed physically, emotionally or mentally in the way described below.

We are brought up in a civilized society that often says: “don’t be angry”, “you don’t look good angry!” so that we grow up lacking the right skills to express our hurt feelings in a healthy way. So how do we express anger or aggressive feelings: often shouting, swearing, throwing things around, pounding on doors or tables, shrieking, or pushing people aside and stomping off , sulking in silence for days before exploding into rage. All these expressions of anger are bound to leave us feeling released in the short term but ashamed, guilty, angry with ourselves and demeaned in our self-esteem and with an estranged, hurt or demeaned husband, wife, partner or child.

When we say some people need treatment for Anger Management we mean that they need help to express their hurt feelings in a constructive way. I have had many clients over the years who have expressed a fear of losing all ability to be angry if they come for Hypnotherapy. What Counselling provides is a place for the client to address those voices in his/her head that seems to take over and control actions of aggression that the logic knows is wrong. usually there are deeper needs that the person does not know how to express and Counselling aims to correct the right expression of those needs as well as proper ways of expressing anger.

Expressing emotions or thoughts can be done in two unhealthy ways :either passively, e.g. bottling up, agreeing with everything that is said or aggressively, shouting, following the other person around wanting them to agree or cornering them. The only healthy way to express angry, hurt, aggressive feelings is by being assertive. Assertiveness skills are learnt from childhood when we are brought up in an environment that allows us to compromise, negotiate and argue within boundaries as well as feel our anger but not necessarily letting it escalate into aggressive expressions.

For people with anger issues often from childhood onwards they have learnt either to be passive with their feelings/thoughts or they have a very low frustration tolerance. So as they grow into adults and the pressure of life, work and relationships take over they respond either by silence treatment that ultimately explode into raging anger that the partner often does not understand at all or by reacting so defensively and so quickly that they look dangerous and threatening. They will later say that they were only expressing themselves but it is the other person who can hear the rage in the tone, who can feel the threat of attack and who can sense themselves in danger.

Stress Management has become very recognised as one of the eseential needs of people in this century especially as we live more and more in isolation and work stress environments. stress is a healthy part of life when the person recognises they are stressed and know how to de-activate their stress via relaxing, resting, self soothing etc.

Unfortunately an normal stressful situation can turn into unhealthy stress because people set their body and mind into fifth gear to cope with the stresse.g. start of school. big project to finish, new house to buy, relationship issues, but once the stress is over their body and mind is still in fifth gear. clients who come for counselling are very hard working people and they are aware that they need to be under pressure because of their work demands but they cannot switch off at night enough to enjoy a bedtime story, to enjoy a glass of wine with their parner and they cannot get refreshed sleep.

What are the symptoms of stress? Physical symptoms Physical symptoms can be caused by other illnesses, so it is important to have a medical doctor treat conditions such as ulcers, compressed disks, or other physical disorders. Remember, however, that the body and mind are not separate entities. The physical problems outlined below may result from or be exacerbated by stress: sleep disturbances ,back/shoulder or neck pain, tension or migraine headaches, upset or acid stomach, cramps, heartburn, gas, irritable bowel syndrome ,constipation, diarrhea ,weight gain or loss, eating disorders

Emotional symptoms Like physical signs, emotional symptoms such as anxiety or depression can mask conditions other than stress. It is important to find out whether they are stress-related or not. In either case, the following emotional symptoms are uncomfortable and can affect your performance at work or play, your physical health, or your relationships with others: nervousness, anxiety ,depression, moodiness ,irritability, frustration ,lack of concentration, substance abuse overreactions

Relational symptoms The antisocial behavior displayed in stressful situations can cause the rapid deterioration of relationships with family, friends, co-workers, or even strangers. A person under stress may manifest signs such as: increased arguments , isolation from social activities, conflict with co-workers or employers,road rage ,overreactions ,

Reading and Wokingham Counselling/Psychotherapy works marvellously well with anger management as well as stress management for two major reasons:

  1. we are working with unconscious mind where all our instinctive reactions have taken roots and angry/aggressive people often feel helpless once those triggers get touched upon. they have forgotten when they learnt unconsciously to blow up if someone say “you are being silly” or if they just imply it. the trigger has been programmed in the inner mind and gets set up automatically.

    What a Counsellor will do is help the client suffering from anger outburst or even aggressive behaviour access their inner mind's script that is reading helplessness, powerlessness and even feeling trapped and deprogram those triggers; and set more constructive reactions to anger,stress triggers that can create a lot of irritability and anger outbursts like talking it out, shouting within limits, staying within boundaries of self-respect etc.

  2. angry clients/stressed clients have been met with disapproval, self disgust and guilt/shame either from others but mostly from their own inner critic. They have reached a point where reasoning, self resolve is no longer helping with their anger/stress...this is where Reading counselling and Psychotherapy can help by bridging the gap between the client's resourceful parts and those parts that are triggering so much anger and aggression.
Reading Counselling and Psychotherapy offers the space where the angry/stressful client can explore the helplessness and powerlessness that he/she experiences but cannot hold on to or share. Counselling for anger management as well as stress management in wokingham, reading, woodley , berkshire also include helping the client develop a language for their emotions because clients with anger management/stress management issues often do not know how to express themselves and their softer feelings except via talking about their frustrations,anger, irritability, rage and stress.

Amreeta practices intergrative counselling, integrating solution focused Counselling, with her Psychoanalytic training as well as CBT counselling and her knowledge of Hypnosis and NLP to provide an integrative approach aimed at helping clients move to their goals within 10-12 sessions on average. sessions can go up to 15-20 for clients will trauma background like child abuse, or sexual abuse or else whose issues have been chronic over years .Amreeta works in Reading, Wokingham, Woodley areas in Berkshire.

Reading and Wokingham Counselling works within 10-12 sessions of counselling to help clients reach their goals which they clarify from the first session. Counselling stays targeted and goal oriented and although is known as "talking therapy" Amreeta Chapman brings with her experience as clinical Psychologist, Counsellor, Psycho-traumatologist, tools and techniques which aims to help client make long term recovery in their self belief, self confidence, self regulation of their moods and emotions. For more information or questions call Amreeta on 0118 926 9978 or 0786 129 3634. You can also email her your questions by clicking here. Please note that she may be with clients so do leave a message as she aims to answer you within two to three hours. Amreeta understands you are making a huge step ahead by contacting her and she will definitely answer you by call or mail whichever you prefer!

Practices in Reading/Caversham, Wokingham/Bracknell, Woodley/Twyford, covering Berkshire.

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