Practicing in Reading and Wokingham in Berkshire,
Tel: 0118 9269978 or 07861 293634

Specialising in couple, parent-child and individual relationships

Jealousy and Anger in Couples

How can Reading and Wokingham Counselling services help?

Marital Jealousy is a normal factor when two people love each other just like jealousy among siblings. It is brings in healthy arguments and opinions that tell the partners in relationship that they are two separate individuals feeling, thinking and behaving differently. After the honeymoon period that can last up to two years a couple will find that insecurities start occurring in the relationship as the couple gets back to interacting with the wider world in terms of meeting friend circles more, having children and going to family gatherings more, going back to separate hobbies e.g. husband like horse racing but wife prefers using that time going swimming.

the challenges of normal life will enter the marital relationship and will test the trust level, the maturity level and the honesty level of each partner. when clashes happen for example, husband mentions innocently that he is late because he ran into a female friend he has not seen for ages at the golf club, then it is a test of all the above mentioned factors. usually after a session of healthy jealousy partners will bounce back to their secure base of love and boding and the trust, honesty and maturity wins.

But when is it that a couple(or one of the) decides it is time for relationship counselling due to jealousy and anger in the couple? Due to one partner's self belief system that stems from his/her own experiences with relationships it often happens that he/she cannot let go of the jealousy and it can escalate in stonewalling, resentful silence, contempt or else following and watching the other partner, reading signs of not being good enough and partner preferring other men/women.

When the consequences of Marital jealousy becomes:

• Prolonged resentment.
• Increased lack of trust.
• Regular Anger phases.
• Defensiveness.
• More arguments.
• Need for continual reassurance.
• Depression.
• Desire for revenge.
• Constant questioning.
• Physical reactions such as trembling, feeling dizzy, change in sleep patterns, and a change in eating habits.
• End of your marriage/Relationship.

Then the couple know that the marriage and potentially children are suffering and often that is when Counsellng whether faily counselling or relationsip/marriage counselling is sought.

Amreeta Chapman has been working as a Psychologist, Counsellor and relationship counsellor for over fifteen years. She offers Relationship Cousnelling in Reading, Wokingham and Woodley/Earley mostly during evenings and weekends but does see clients for morning sessions in woodley only.

What happens in a Couple counselling session with Reading and Wokingham counselling services?
clients are expert on their problems as they have analysed, fought and talked about the jealousy, insecurity and lack of trust in the relationship for months or maybe years before deciding to see a couple counsellor or relationship counsellor! But clients coming for counselling have understood they are going in circles or resolutions to change are are not winning over the jealousy and anger.

As our relationship Counsellor/marital counsellor Amreeta Chapman aims to help you by:

• Clarifying your goals and rating them from the first session so that you can re-rate them as you go along and assess how you are progressing.
• create a bridge between the conscous fights you are having ("he does not tell me i look beautiful anymore but he does give compliments to other women in the pub!) and the unconscious conflicts going on ("i am scared to death he is going to say i am not good enough for him") so that clients understand how relationships work and how we are communicating on both levels at the same time but not listening or responding on both levels after the honeymoon period!
• work with the belief system that eac partner brings tha is sustaining and maintaining the problem live. one aprtner may say the other gets too insecure no matter what she does but she probably need that envy/jealousy indirectly to feel important and needed becase of her own insecurity!
• clarify that both aprtners are contributing to the problem in different degress and help the partners commnicate softer,vulnerable, and fragile needs that is often coated by jealous atacks, resentful remarks or angry/passive moods. each aprtner in the couple and marriage is dancing along to the tune of the other and has chosen the other person to complement his or her own belief system.
• Once the partners have understood the dance of jealousy and the cycles they are perpetuating as wellas their belief systems and how it is contributing then it is all about tapping into clients' existing (as well as training into new) skills for loving, being and behaving like mature, safe and self believing companions in love and couple life.

Reading and Wokingham Counselling works within 10-12 sessions of counselling to help clients reach their goals which they clarify from the first session. Counselling stays targeted and goal oriented and although is known as "talking therapy" Amreeta Chapman brings with her experience as clinical Psychologist, Counsellor, Psycho-traumatologist, tools and techniques which aims to help client make long term recovery in their self belief, self confidence, self regulation of their moods and emotions and thus their relationships/marriage.